2011's first post.

2011's here, it's been another year, another year has just passed ; 2010.
a year full of experiences,mistakes,love,learning point & a year that brought about many changes to my life & the people around me.

what i think about 2011 ;
it's gonna be a fast year, pre-occupied with many new adventures & experiences.
it'll end just as fast as it began, when year end comes. i hope you people will have a blessful new year & to all, memories & things that happened in 2010, will always be remembered.



so here are lyrics & link to CARACAL's : The Strain from their debut album -[ Bear. Shark. Wolf. ]

The Strain

For all the times you're left behind,
There's always someone else behind,
Left behind you keeping watch

A common ground holds us apart,
And who's to know we've played our part,
And you forget what you've been told,

and in our hearts and in our minds it feels like we're burning up like it's the end

I will stand for you, if you learn to take it on your own

From the words you strung together
So simple, so easily that change is an only constant in our lives,
I tried to sound this silent alarm
Please help me out, I won't strain
I won't strain no more

What do you do when your orbits start to turn?
What do you do when your orbits start to burn?

crue.

i dont escape from human error... =|

The blade of my knife
Faced away from your heart
Those last few nights
It turned and sliced you apart
This love that I tell
Now feels lonely as hell
From this padded prison cell

So many times I said
Youd only be mine
I gave my blood and my tears
And loved you cyanide
When you took my lips
I took your breath
Sometimes loves better off dead

Youre all I need, make you only mine
I love you so I set you free
I had to take your life
Youre all I need, youre all I need
And I loved you but you didnt love me

Laid out cold
Now were both alone
But killing you helped me keep you home
I guess it was bad
Cause love can be sad
But we finally make the news

Tied up smiling
I thought you were happy
Never opened your eyes
I thought you were napping
I got so much to learn
About love in this world
But we finally made the news

Youre all I need, make you only mine
I loved you so, so I put you to sleep.

nothing's ever as it seems
When all your dreams exist in memories,
Exist in memories.

And all the trauma takes its toll.
I don't remember all our common goals,
All our common goals.
I'm still bleeding out questions of nerve
What will it take to sort this out?
It's still lodging it's blade in my heart,
I know you can't be the one left holding the bag;
I wish I could not make it hurt so bad.


It isn't fate that took us all by storm,
It's just the turn of a card.
We had our time, it was fun
while it lasted.

I'll look back with honour & no regrets..
I won't be mad, i won't feel bad..
These memories will never leave me,
Don't be sad. <3


"cause life goes on, life goes on
It's getting too late, tomorrow is here.
yeah, it hurts. but it hurts you more.

Remembering Sunday

[Alex Gaskarth : ]
He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes
Started making his way past 2 in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days

Leaning now into the breeze
Remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees
They had breakfast together
But two eggs don't last
Like the feeling of what he needs

Now this place seems familiar to him
She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin
She led him upstairs, she led him upstairs
Left him dying to get in

Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother,
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm going to ask her to marry me

Even though she doesn't believe in love,
He's determined to call her bluff
Who could deny these butterflies?
They're filling his gut

Waking the neighbors, unfamiliar faces
He pleads though he tries
But he's only denied
Now he's dying to get inside

Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother,
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm going to ask her to marry me

The neighbors said she moved away
Funny how it rained all day
I didn't think much of it then
But it's starting to all make sense
Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds
Are following me in my desperate endeavor
To find my whoever, wherever she may be

[Juliet Simms:]
I'm not coming back (forgive me)
I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak (I'm not calling, I'm not calling)
But you'd expect that from me
I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt, now the rain is just (You're driving me crazy, I'm)
Washing you out of my hair and out of my mind
Keeping an eye on the world,
From so many thousands of feet off the ground, I'm over you now
I'm at home in the clouds, and towering over your head

[Alex Gaskarth:]
Well I guess I'll go home now...
I guess I'll go home now...
I guess I'll go home now..
I guess I'll go home...

i can't be bothered too much on all those pricks who still act like a douche bag.
well, okay, besides that : I NEED A PUNCHING BAG !

whats up lately?
i've been mugging past two days, i've got the whole damn week to do so..
i'm typing this post with a very very heavy eyelid. forgive me if things turns out blurry or if i tend to talk without fullstops & things goes pretty much HAYWIRED. :/

so yeah today, i borrowed this Protege guitar from a friend, it looks,sounds & feels pretty awesome. maybe a change of strings would make it better. ( i'm back to playing, now i could try to let my ideas flow once more.)


i realised ;
sometimes : the things that i choose to do or stuffs like that, it'll somehow come back to you.
on occasions : i tend to be deluding myself by being nice to mofos who deserve a punch right in their faces..
all the time : i've been missing you. sleeping gets hard to do too with these limited time..



i'm sorry for those things i once had said.
& i'm sorry when i once pushed your hands away.. :/

i <3 you .so much .

something i came across.

‘I love you’ means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I do not expect perfection from you, just as you do not expect it from me. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you when you’re in a bad mood or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down, not just when you’re fun to be with. ‘I love you’ means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return only that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, hoping that you feel the same way for me.

i love you.
& i sorely miss you.
:/

Sometimes i just hope that i could wash away all the pain of today and yesterday.

i ruin everything that's close to me.

well, i feel so empty..
i've been telling myself that i'll be fine, but that's a lie..
been having recent fights/disagreements/arguements with my folks over something ( i still don't get it) .
missing everything that i've lost along the way.
i was growing up, make my mistakes & paid my dues.. we all do..

& baby, i do miss the way your eyes gleamed vibrantly when i used to talk to you so closely in the past, for now it seemed like they're gone. :\ ( have i lost you..)

sometimes it's quite depressing to think of everything.. but when i wake up the next morning, i'll be fine & happy again.. cycle goes on..
i think i need coffee and ciggarettes. more ciggarettes. more coffee..
( don't let me start all over again please... :[ )

my journey so far has been fun, esp from september last year..
now a year passed by, i realised it was pretty fast. it's over (us) when our minds & egos took over us.
we screwed up like heck. say mean stuffs. but regardless, it didn't manage to stop me to love you up till now.
it was never the same without you. 10th's on sunday. church on sunday for you.
apparently, i guess i'm gonna spent this 1year 1month annimonthsary alone again.

i don't think i've been well with my health though, never been to the doctor since my last critical visit. & my life is getting to that point where i don't think i might be myself anymore (not related to my health). i love you all, esp those people who knew me & what i wanted to do in my life really well, like my ; haji lane lepak partner & jamming people. & last but not least, the person who knew me for the most part, both inside & out, which is you hunneh.

thanks for the memories people.
if there's still time, we'll party hard when the moment we've waited for, ends.

hey..

well... this night just like the rest,
having same thoughts running through my head..

sometimes, i do wish in ways, somehow i could turn this world right back around,
& mend those words i've said, correct the wrong perception..

i don't know, but, what would you say if i told you that all i've thought about most is you,since you've been gone?
& if i told you I'm not giving up, however long it takes, now?

it's clear that things have changed since when we started..
i know things aren't quite like what they used to be..we can try..
that's what i believe in, this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Don't worry so much
There's no reason for that
Control what you can and
What you can't, you can't let that be that.

We'll take the good with the bad
We'll take the best with the worst.
It will be our fight now
And not just yours.

I might not know how you feel
But i'll try.
I might not see how it is
But i'll try.

If no one else is on your side.
[All I wanna know is if you'll stay by mine]

Cause i'll be here, if nothing else.

So if you need something
Don't be afraid to let me know
I wanna be here if I can
Or just be here if you don't think so.

So let me be a shoulder
Let me be an ear
Let me catch you if you fall.
Or if the floor just disappears.'

...

Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave.
Maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight,
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow.

we're just ordinary people..

. . . . .........

A final song, for last request.
A perfect chapter laid to rest.
Things seems so invincible, the truth is so cold.

The pain is strong and urges rise
But I'll see you,
When it lets me..


Your pain is gone, your hands untied..

yeah.

had a quick drop by just now.
you get well soon alright.. <3

so yeah,
i like coffee, alot.
my day's been usual..
except i saw quite interesting & weird people on my way home.
like yesterday, today's not my day either.


i realised four years passed by real fast.
& one year, since the day we met, passed by real fast too.
alot of things ran through my mind since i don't know when.
but i'll take it slow, i guess.. not too slow, but slow.. yeah.

matchbox 20 [if you're gone] =s

I think I've already lost you ..
I think you're already gone
I think I'm finally scared now.
You think I'm weak but I think you're wrong

I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
But now I'm relaxed, I can't be sure..

I bet you're hard to get over
I bet the room just won't shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
I bet you need more than you mind

I think we should try
I think I could need this in my life
I think I'm just scared, that I know too much
I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling

If you're gone, maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move..

But if you're gone, baby, you need to come home..
Cause there's a little bit of something, me,
In everything in you..


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

heyyo..

hey yo !

i guess i went back on my word on maybe not gonna do any post sooner.
well.. i guess now it came earlier then expected. =9
i just watched Remember Me. i know i lagged alot in movies like this, i just don't have the time to watch way baaaaackk lonnngg loonngg agooo . haha. i must say, it's an awesome movie, awesome plot, storyline.. tragic ending (that's how things get remembered right?) but very intelligent..very emotion triggering movie.. it's definitely worth the watch..

"if you could hear, i would say that our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we've touched." - (from the movie itself)

(:

now, i'm gonna shower & get ready for school !

[:

hey, what's up people ? [:

i know it's been quite some time since i last blogged.

i have nothing much to write. no significant events to write about way back, well.. at least i'd like to keep it private at that time.. so yeahh.

how i've been & stuffs like that?

been pretty much fine & alright.

things happen. we fought. we tried. we eventually lost somehow. everyone goes through that.

i don't think it's fate that this happened. it's just a turn of a card, sometimes it won't turn in ones favour.

i miss you but i know there's no looking back now, not regrets that i feel. it's just this kind of emptiness that takes over a person when he/she is alone, sitting down & thinking. i have my reasons doing so. i wasn't ready. & to be honest, it was great when i still had what i had, which was you.

it wasn't that easy to decide on stuffs like that but eventually i did.

for the better or worst? i guess we all know that it's better somehow.

it fills me in to know that you're going on well over there, pursuing what you want to pursue.

nothing beats that. keep on with this rhythm, you'll definately go far. i wish you well..

**i've kept all the things you've said, in that blue box. it's just right by my bed..

it's been useful to me on some nights..

what's up lately?

i've been catching up with my fellas lately over supper.

manage to read some friends like a book & know who are the real people & who are the fakes. i've been having late nights too, sometimes i'm up till 3 or 4 am practically doing nothing much at all except music to my ears with thoughts, ideas flowing through my head.

gonna read up notes a little. i make my own luck. & i believe whatever i do, the final outcome is more or less decided by the one above. so yeah, thank you for watching over me. i've done some bad things along the way. now i'm trying to mend my ways. i've been near the edge too many times. i hope it won't lead me to my fall into oblivion.

well.. i'm thinking of going to IKEA to get some stuffs there.

organise & clear my desk clutter. get new shoe racks & some wall shelves & magnetic wall boards. year end i'm gonna mural up my wall. working towards that & my O's.

if all goes well.. then i'll reach what i have in mind..

this post is pretty solid. maybe i won't blog that much for now with things coming up.

those who reads this ; have a good day ahead. have a good time. take your chances when it comes, in whatever you do. or else you'll be too late cause second chances are like vintage wines, it's taste good but it's hard to get hold of. ciaos fellas. [:

no specifications.

...i don't believe you, i never will..
i can't live by your side with those lies you tried to instill..
i can't take anymore, i don't have to give you a reason.
for leaving this time, cause this is my last goodbye..

it's like i hardly know you, like you've said ; maybe i never did..
it's like every emotion you showed me, you kept well hid.
& every true word you ever spoke, was really deceiving.
now i'm leaving this time, this is my last goodbye.

i've gotta turn & walk away,
i don't have anything left to say, haven't i already said before..
i've grown tired of being used.. & i'm sick and tired of being accused..
now, i'm walking away..

it has nothing to do with anyone that i'm like this... maybe this is the best way to describe.. idk..

WIL FRANCIS.

he's someone i look up to..

i mean, pure example of how from ground zero, you can rise up

& be who you are & say what you have to say & never have to lie to yourself.. to overcome even the hardest & worst decision & mistakes ever made .. his music & works of art has affected me the way those stuffs only can -- by the way it hits a person's heart.

yeah, i am who i am right now due to this.. it's just inspirational.

maybe without discovering him i'd be in ruins a year ago..

this is the reason why i'd rather listen to something not mainstream..

because it's what music has been about ; not popularity or anything but to captivate people.. it has always been a way to touch people's heart..

& he's shown that even from ground zero, anybody & everybody can still rise up if they make the right decisions & choose their right path..

so thanks.

you guys search it up & check his music out ;

Aiden & William Control.

till then. ciaos (:

(:

HELLLOOOOO :D


well.. i'm ALIVE & KICKIN' . haha !
friends are awesome ! school's awesome ! everything's been great & i'm contented ! :D

i'm happy that things turned out well for me.. no regrets, no backtracking & regretting.
it's been ages since i hung out with my fellas yo , maybe sunday i'll hang out with em' or maybe just a few if most can't make it. (: simple hangout with booze or something ; socialising too. looking forward for workday & the weekends. i guess i'll stop work soon & let my BOOKS make ME THEIR BITCH ! all for results sake ! :D

thanks to those who has been there in a way or two. (:
appreciate you guys alot man ! ciaos.

lately.. deadly

" just when you think it can't get any worse, it can. & just when you think it can't get any better, it can. because nothing that's worthwhile is ever easy. "


i realised that it's the simple dreams that are often more painful.. because they seem so personal.. so reasonable.. & so attainable.. but yet, it's so hard to be able hold it and that is enough to break your heart..



well.. i lived my life.. enjoyed most of it..
but right now, right at this moment.. i feel somewhat lost.. not because i regretted what i've said.. i feel this way because i don't know what's gonna happen now.. maybe talking to you would end up being history, which i don't wish for it to happen.. because it was always true that ; no matter how much the distance is, talking always seemed more real, close to first hand experience.. & that makes the gaps get closer than wider..

to be really honest ; all those times and moments that we've spent & shared, was the happiest & best time in my life.. without you, it's not possible to feel all these. thank you.



' i fell in love with you when we were together. then i fell deeper in love when we were apart. & i miss you dear love.. alot more than you thought i could. '

Just Another Dream Of Mine?

i'm back once more..

firstly ; i don't know how i've been though.. not sure whether i'm great or am i just plain not..

& one thing i've realised is that.. humans, being typical human beings, they tend to think more with their minds but rarely listens to their hearts even if they said they did..

' the question that people should ask themselves is ; have they been true to themselves & listen to their heart rather than their minds? ' because once they do, their mind will always win & that contradicts being true to themselves.

just try to think about it for sec.

myself ; i have no idea how i'm feeling lately.. my dreams starts to unfold like how it was picture a few months back.. i hope i'll still be a nice person as days goes by because i just don't need anyone to test my wire right now.. i get that alot.. just trying to be as patience as i can be.. just today i choked a motherfucker, who tried to be funny, lightly. lucky him. & he got choked at another instance by someone else. how lucky can he get in 15 mins?

well... it's been awhile since i saw you..

i don't think meeting is gonna happen anytime so soon.. yes youu.

it's good that you're happy & i'm contented to know that you are.. (:

if i have to be really honest here...

if i could, i'll just take you back away now.. because it's kills, i guess thats my way to describe it..

but i won't because from the way i see it, you're contented there.. maybe this is what've been crossing my mind these few days too..

you're the greatest gift to me & even if there's like others for me to trade for.. i wouldn't do so because you're priceless & i love this gift of mine, alot.

....

UPDATES :

First of all !
Finally, world cup is over..
i can get back my tv to watch movies once more. :D

well... i'm fine with my life.. at the least, i'm contented with it somehow.
some friends got into some crap & transfferring is the only way out.. fucken 3 damn years of solid friendship... well, it saddens me.. but i'm sure it's the best way out.. you'll do fine dude.. we are all here for you.. lets catch up over coffee some time soon. life, is at the end, surprising. (:

the next thing,
i wanna do well.. i need to motivate myself further..
i don't know how... but i just have to do it somehow..

i've learnt alot throughout this years journey so far,
like patience is what we all must have to control & turn things to our favour.
i think love is a beautiful thing eventhough we don't get to hold it in our hands. it's not about owning that someone anyway.. it's about how you've played your part & try your bestest to make a difference in someone's life. & if you failed, it's alright, it makes you see your mistakes & you still learn in a way or two.

health ;
i've been feeling sick in my chest.. no one knows, well, now those who reads this knows la.
i dont know what happened.. maybe it's an old thing coming back again.. but i'm fine, sometimes the pain can be really stinging.. & when that happens, it sucks cause i feel as if i'm suffocating..

all that i really ever wish for right now is ;

1. for YOU to make it to next year & be happy there, which you are.

2. hope my friends are gonna be alright, especially this friend of mine as stated in the yellow portion above. thanks man for everything. 'see you soon' , like you said, a better choice of phrase.

3. to have a calm soul & mind right now.. that's all i need right now.

"being apart ain't easy in this love affair..

hopefully, i get the joy of rediscovering you.

& i'll be forever yours... faithfully.. "

<3