crue.

i dont escape from human error... =|

The blade of my knife
Faced away from your heart
Those last few nights
It turned and sliced you apart
This love that I tell
Now feels lonely as hell
From this padded prison cell

So many times I said
Youd only be mine
I gave my blood and my tears
And loved you cyanide
When you took my lips
I took your breath
Sometimes loves better off dead

Youre all I need, make you only mine
I love you so I set you free
I had to take your life
Youre all I need, youre all I need
And I loved you but you didnt love me

Laid out cold
Now were both alone
But killing you helped me keep you home
I guess it was bad
Cause love can be sad
But we finally make the news

Tied up smiling
I thought you were happy
Never opened your eyes
I thought you were napping
I got so much to learn
About love in this world
But we finally made the news

Youre all I need, make you only mine
I loved you so, so I put you to sleep.

nothing's ever as it seems
When all your dreams exist in memories,
Exist in memories.

And all the trauma takes its toll.
I don't remember all our common goals,
All our common goals.
I'm still bleeding out questions of nerve
What will it take to sort this out?
It's still lodging it's blade in my heart,
I know you can't be the one left holding the bag;
I wish I could not make it hurt so bad.


It isn't fate that took us all by storm,
It's just the turn of a card.
We had our time, it was fun
while it lasted.

I'll look back with honour & no regrets..
I won't be mad, i won't feel bad..
These memories will never leave me,
Don't be sad. <3


"cause life goes on, life goes on
It's getting too late, tomorrow is here.
yeah, it hurts. but it hurts you more.

Remembering Sunday

[Alex Gaskarth : ]
He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes
Started making his way past 2 in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days

Leaning now into the breeze
Remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees
They had breakfast together
But two eggs don't last
Like the feeling of what he needs

Now this place seems familiar to him
She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin
She led him upstairs, she led him upstairs
Left him dying to get in

Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother,
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm going to ask her to marry me

Even though she doesn't believe in love,
He's determined to call her bluff
Who could deny these butterflies?
They're filling his gut

Waking the neighbors, unfamiliar faces
He pleads though he tries
But he's only denied
Now he's dying to get inside

Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother,
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm going to ask her to marry me

The neighbors said she moved away
Funny how it rained all day
I didn't think much of it then
But it's starting to all make sense
Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds
Are following me in my desperate endeavor
To find my whoever, wherever she may be

[Juliet Simms:]
I'm not coming back (forgive me)
I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak (I'm not calling, I'm not calling)
But you'd expect that from me
I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt, now the rain is just (You're driving me crazy, I'm)
Washing you out of my hair and out of my mind
Keeping an eye on the world,
From so many thousands of feet off the ground, I'm over you now
I'm at home in the clouds, and towering over your head

[Alex Gaskarth:]
Well I guess I'll go home now...
I guess I'll go home now...
I guess I'll go home now..
I guess I'll go home...

i can't be bothered too much on all those pricks who still act like a douche bag.
well, okay, besides that : I NEED A PUNCHING BAG !

whats up lately?
i've been mugging past two days, i've got the whole damn week to do so..
i'm typing this post with a very very heavy eyelid. forgive me if things turns out blurry or if i tend to talk without fullstops & things goes pretty much HAYWIRED. :/

so yeah today, i borrowed this Protege guitar from a friend, it looks,sounds & feels pretty awesome. maybe a change of strings would make it better. ( i'm back to playing, now i could try to let my ideas flow once more.)


i realised ;
sometimes : the things that i choose to do or stuffs like that, it'll somehow come back to you.
on occasions : i tend to be deluding myself by being nice to mofos who deserve a punch right in their faces..
all the time : i've been missing you. sleeping gets hard to do too with these limited time..



i'm sorry for those things i once had said.
& i'm sorry when i once pushed your hands away.. :/

i <3 you .so much .

something i came across.

‘I love you’ means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I do not expect perfection from you, just as you do not expect it from me. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you when you’re in a bad mood or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down, not just when you’re fun to be with. ‘I love you’ means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return only that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, hoping that you feel the same way for me.

i love you.
& i sorely miss you.
:/

Sometimes i just hope that i could wash away all the pain of today and yesterday.

i ruin everything that's close to me.

well, i feel so empty..
i've been telling myself that i'll be fine, but that's a lie..
been having recent fights/disagreements/arguements with my folks over something ( i still don't get it) .
missing everything that i've lost along the way.
i was growing up, make my mistakes & paid my dues.. we all do..

& baby, i do miss the way your eyes gleamed vibrantly when i used to talk to you so closely in the past, for now it seemed like they're gone. :\ ( have i lost you..)

sometimes it's quite depressing to think of everything.. but when i wake up the next morning, i'll be fine & happy again.. cycle goes on..
i think i need coffee and ciggarettes. more ciggarettes. more coffee..
( don't let me start all over again please... :[ )

my journey so far has been fun, esp from september last year..
now a year passed by, i realised it was pretty fast. it's over (us) when our minds & egos took over us.
we screwed up like heck. say mean stuffs. but regardless, it didn't manage to stop me to love you up till now.
it was never the same without you. 10th's on sunday. church on sunday for you.
apparently, i guess i'm gonna spent this 1year 1month annimonthsary alone again.

i don't think i've been well with my health though, never been to the doctor since my last critical visit. & my life is getting to that point where i don't think i might be myself anymore (not related to my health). i love you all, esp those people who knew me & what i wanted to do in my life really well, like my ; haji lane lepak partner & jamming people. & last but not least, the person who knew me for the most part, both inside & out, which is you hunneh.

thanks for the memories people.
if there's still time, we'll party hard when the moment we've waited for, ends.

hey..

well... this night just like the rest,
having same thoughts running through my head..

sometimes, i do wish in ways, somehow i could turn this world right back around,
& mend those words i've said, correct the wrong perception..

i don't know, but, what would you say if i told you that all i've thought about most is you,since you've been gone?
& if i told you I'm not giving up, however long it takes, now?

it's clear that things have changed since when we started..
i know things aren't quite like what they used to be..we can try..
that's what i believe in, this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Don't worry so much
There's no reason for that
Control what you can and
What you can't, you can't let that be that.

We'll take the good with the bad
We'll take the best with the worst.
It will be our fight now
And not just yours.

I might not know how you feel
But i'll try.
I might not see how it is
But i'll try.

If no one else is on your side.
[All I wanna know is if you'll stay by mine]

Cause i'll be here, if nothing else.

So if you need something
Don't be afraid to let me know
I wanna be here if I can
Or just be here if you don't think so.

So let me be a shoulder
Let me be an ear
Let me catch you if you fall.
Or if the floor just disappears.'

...

Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave.
Maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight,
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow.

we're just ordinary people..

. . . . .........

A final song, for last request.
A perfect chapter laid to rest.
Things seems so invincible, the truth is so cold.

The pain is strong and urges rise
But I'll see you,
When it lets me..


Your pain is gone, your hands untied..

yeah.

had a quick drop by just now.
you get well soon alright.. <3

so yeah,
i like coffee, alot.
my day's been usual..
except i saw quite interesting & weird people on my way home.
like yesterday, today's not my day either.


i realised four years passed by real fast.
& one year, since the day we met, passed by real fast too.
alot of things ran through my mind since i don't know when.
but i'll take it slow, i guess.. not too slow, but slow.. yeah.

matchbox 20 [if you're gone] =s

I think I've already lost you ..
I think you're already gone
I think I'm finally scared now.
You think I'm weak but I think you're wrong

I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
But now I'm relaxed, I can't be sure..

I bet you're hard to get over
I bet the room just won't shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
I bet you need more than you mind

I think we should try
I think I could need this in my life
I think I'm just scared, that I know too much
I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling

If you're gone, maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move..

But if you're gone, baby, you need to come home..
Cause there's a little bit of something, me,
In everything in you..


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

heyyo..

hey yo !

i guess i went back on my word on maybe not gonna do any post sooner.
well.. i guess now it came earlier then expected. =9
i just watched Remember Me. i know i lagged alot in movies like this, i just don't have the time to watch way baaaaackk lonnngg loonngg agooo . haha. i must say, it's an awesome movie, awesome plot, storyline.. tragic ending (that's how things get remembered right?) but very intelligent..very emotion triggering movie.. it's definitely worth the watch..

"if you could hear, i would say that our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we've touched." - (from the movie itself)

(:

now, i'm gonna shower & get ready for school !

[:

hey, what's up people ? [:

i know it's been quite some time since i last blogged.

i have nothing much to write. no significant events to write about way back, well.. at least i'd like to keep it private at that time.. so yeahh.

how i've been & stuffs like that?

been pretty much fine & alright.

things happen. we fought. we tried. we eventually lost somehow. everyone goes through that.

i don't think it's fate that this happened. it's just a turn of a card, sometimes it won't turn in ones favour.

i miss you but i know there's no looking back now, not regrets that i feel. it's just this kind of emptiness that takes over a person when he/she is alone, sitting down & thinking. i have my reasons doing so. i wasn't ready. & to be honest, it was great when i still had what i had, which was you.

it wasn't that easy to decide on stuffs like that but eventually i did.

for the better or worst? i guess we all know that it's better somehow.

it fills me in to know that you're going on well over there, pursuing what you want to pursue.

nothing beats that. keep on with this rhythm, you'll definately go far. i wish you well..

**i've kept all the things you've said, in that blue box. it's just right by my bed..

it's been useful to me on some nights..

what's up lately?

i've been catching up with my fellas lately over supper.

manage to read some friends like a book & know who are the real people & who are the fakes. i've been having late nights too, sometimes i'm up till 3 or 4 am practically doing nothing much at all except music to my ears with thoughts, ideas flowing through my head.

gonna read up notes a little. i make my own luck. & i believe whatever i do, the final outcome is more or less decided by the one above. so yeah, thank you for watching over me. i've done some bad things along the way. now i'm trying to mend my ways. i've been near the edge too many times. i hope it won't lead me to my fall into oblivion.

well.. i'm thinking of going to IKEA to get some stuffs there.

organise & clear my desk clutter. get new shoe racks & some wall shelves & magnetic wall boards. year end i'm gonna mural up my wall. working towards that & my O's.

if all goes well.. then i'll reach what i have in mind..

this post is pretty solid. maybe i won't blog that much for now with things coming up.

those who reads this ; have a good day ahead. have a good time. take your chances when it comes, in whatever you do. or else you'll be too late cause second chances are like vintage wines, it's taste good but it's hard to get hold of. ciaos fellas. [:

no specifications.

...i don't believe you, i never will..
i can't live by your side with those lies you tried to instill..
i can't take anymore, i don't have to give you a reason.
for leaving this time, cause this is my last goodbye..

it's like i hardly know you, like you've said ; maybe i never did..
it's like every emotion you showed me, you kept well hid.
& every true word you ever spoke, was really deceiving.
now i'm leaving this time, this is my last goodbye.

i've gotta turn & walk away,
i don't have anything left to say, haven't i already said before..
i've grown tired of being used.. & i'm sick and tired of being accused..
now, i'm walking away..

it has nothing to do with anyone that i'm like this... maybe this is the best way to describe.. idk..

WIL FRANCIS.

he's someone i look up to..

i mean, pure example of how from ground zero, you can rise up

& be who you are & say what you have to say & never have to lie to yourself.. to overcome even the hardest & worst decision & mistakes ever made .. his music & works of art has affected me the way those stuffs only can -- by the way it hits a person's heart.

yeah, i am who i am right now due to this.. it's just inspirational.

maybe without discovering him i'd be in ruins a year ago..

this is the reason why i'd rather listen to something not mainstream..

because it's what music has been about ; not popularity or anything but to captivate people.. it has always been a way to touch people's heart..

& he's shown that even from ground zero, anybody & everybody can still rise up if they make the right decisions & choose their right path..

so thanks.

you guys search it up & check his music out ;

Aiden & William Control.

till then. ciaos (:

(:

HELLLOOOOO :D


well.. i'm ALIVE & KICKIN' . haha !
friends are awesome ! school's awesome ! everything's been great & i'm contented ! :D

i'm happy that things turned out well for me.. no regrets, no backtracking & regretting.
it's been ages since i hung out with my fellas yo , maybe sunday i'll hang out with em' or maybe just a few if most can't make it. (: simple hangout with booze or something ; socialising too. looking forward for workday & the weekends. i guess i'll stop work soon & let my BOOKS make ME THEIR BITCH ! all for results sake ! :D

thanks to those who has been there in a way or two. (:
appreciate you guys alot man ! ciaos.

lately.. deadly

" just when you think it can't get any worse, it can. & just when you think it can't get any better, it can. because nothing that's worthwhile is ever easy. "


i realised that it's the simple dreams that are often more painful.. because they seem so personal.. so reasonable.. & so attainable.. but yet, it's so hard to be able hold it and that is enough to break your heart..



well.. i lived my life.. enjoyed most of it..
but right now, right at this moment.. i feel somewhat lost.. not because i regretted what i've said.. i feel this way because i don't know what's gonna happen now.. maybe talking to you would end up being history, which i don't wish for it to happen.. because it was always true that ; no matter how much the distance is, talking always seemed more real, close to first hand experience.. & that makes the gaps get closer than wider..

to be really honest ; all those times and moments that we've spent & shared, was the happiest & best time in my life.. without you, it's not possible to feel all these. thank you.



' i fell in love with you when we were together. then i fell deeper in love when we were apart. & i miss you dear love.. alot more than you thought i could. '

Just Another Dream Of Mine?

i'm back once more..

firstly ; i don't know how i've been though.. not sure whether i'm great or am i just plain not..

& one thing i've realised is that.. humans, being typical human beings, they tend to think more with their minds but rarely listens to their hearts even if they said they did..

' the question that people should ask themselves is ; have they been true to themselves & listen to their heart rather than their minds? ' because once they do, their mind will always win & that contradicts being true to themselves.

just try to think about it for sec.

myself ; i have no idea how i'm feeling lately.. my dreams starts to unfold like how it was picture a few months back.. i hope i'll still be a nice person as days goes by because i just don't need anyone to test my wire right now.. i get that alot.. just trying to be as patience as i can be.. just today i choked a motherfucker, who tried to be funny, lightly. lucky him. & he got choked at another instance by someone else. how lucky can he get in 15 mins?

well... it's been awhile since i saw you..

i don't think meeting is gonna happen anytime so soon.. yes youu.

it's good that you're happy & i'm contented to know that you are.. (:

if i have to be really honest here...

if i could, i'll just take you back away now.. because it's kills, i guess thats my way to describe it..

but i won't because from the way i see it, you're contented there.. maybe this is what've been crossing my mind these few days too..

you're the greatest gift to me & even if there's like others for me to trade for.. i wouldn't do so because you're priceless & i love this gift of mine, alot.

....

UPDATES :

First of all !
Finally, world cup is over..
i can get back my tv to watch movies once more. :D

well... i'm fine with my life.. at the least, i'm contented with it somehow.
some friends got into some crap & transfferring is the only way out.. fucken 3 damn years of solid friendship... well, it saddens me.. but i'm sure it's the best way out.. you'll do fine dude.. we are all here for you.. lets catch up over coffee some time soon. life, is at the end, surprising. (:

the next thing,
i wanna do well.. i need to motivate myself further..
i don't know how... but i just have to do it somehow..

i've learnt alot throughout this years journey so far,
like patience is what we all must have to control & turn things to our favour.
i think love is a beautiful thing eventhough we don't get to hold it in our hands. it's not about owning that someone anyway.. it's about how you've played your part & try your bestest to make a difference in someone's life. & if you failed, it's alright, it makes you see your mistakes & you still learn in a way or two.

health ;
i've been feeling sick in my chest.. no one knows, well, now those who reads this knows la.
i dont know what happened.. maybe it's an old thing coming back again.. but i'm fine, sometimes the pain can be really stinging.. & when that happens, it sucks cause i feel as if i'm suffocating..

all that i really ever wish for right now is ;

1. for YOU to make it to next year & be happy there, which you are.

2. hope my friends are gonna be alright, especially this friend of mine as stated in the yellow portion above. thanks man for everything. 'see you soon' , like you said, a better choice of phrase.

3. to have a calm soul & mind right now.. that's all i need right now.

"being apart ain't easy in this love affair..

hopefully, i get the joy of rediscovering you.

& i'll be forever yours... faithfully.. "

<3

. . .

well.. i've not been having time to reply anyone's smses these few days..

it's either i fell asleep all the way from 4pm till the next day or i've been feeling really ssucky with my sickness & also with my work.. i've got little choice right here.

i'm sorry guys. & i'm esp sorry to you too, love.

i still care, a whole lot about you cause you're still my number one right here. =/

all i know is that, i'm having a flu right now, from the symptoms. & i'm on self-medication.

your birthday's coming up soon ! (:

i hope things are alright over on the other side.. for you...

you should know what i mean.. home & stuffs..

all i've got to tell you is that,

i'm here & i'll always be here like i've always said to you.

i'll try my bestest to get back to you asap, esp on every friday, saturday & maybe sunday too..

i didn't mean anything bad on that..

i just want you to understand that i don't have no one else.

& yes, i love you and miss you so very much.

i just don't ever want to be like those in your past..

i don't wanna be anything you forget.. =/

why am i doing what i'm doing...

i've been reading all my blogpost from january till now..

it's quite depressing, certain post, out of the whole..

yeaps,

about 300plus days of you in all.

all the hurting, the shoutings, the nice moments.

yeahh.. 300days of that...

okay, i don't know why the hell i'm counting all these right now..

all i know is that i'm so not gonna be able to get some sleep..

because my neck is still hurting like a motherfucker.

& i slept the whole way through the evening when i reached home at lets say almost four.

In my heart, is where i keep you.

it isn't so bad, until i looked at my hands & feel sad..

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

i'm still not able to fall asleep,

it's 2.30 already.. in 3 and a half hours time, i'll have to get ready for school..

i've been lying in bed, thinking, trying to get some sleep & alot more thoughts..

until i can't figure out what exactly has been on my mind for the past 4 hours or so..

typical? nahs, i don't think so.. well, alot happened during the holidays.. even the first day school reopens too..

getting fucked & fucked by the days... O's are one hell of a bitch man..

well.. at least now some things are better & clearer than it was before..

it came with a price too, of course.

no shit, i'm kinda feeling blue.. just a tinge of sadness..

but i'm contented somehow.(:

two of the best people in life, are gonna have their birthdays on the same day..

i don't wanna be screwing up anything for them.. i have the tendency to screw things up sometimes..

lets not even go there... else, i'll fuckin take too long for a blog update..

& i realised i miss the old me.. but the new me isn't that bad..

except for certain points though..

so yeahhs,

those who aren't happy with me or something,

i dont give a fuck about it.

don't make your problem mine.. (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE !

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Great Morning ! =D

i didnt manage to sleep last night.

showered at 5am. & met Ralph at 6 to have breakfast.

had coffee.. talked for 6hours or so about shit. hahas, it was epic man.

came home at noon.

slept till like what? 1.45pm?

woke up & freshened up a little.

went to Ralph's crib. all those wonderful gadgets can be seen.

had a round of driving simulator style. sorta.

pretty cool i'd say. yeah dude, the dirty fuckers.

went off to K.L.P. to meet aunt & settle some stuffs.

Went to Suntec.. walk around & chill..

THEN !

HOME SWEET HOME.

so here i am, since just now, on my bed..

gonna sleep after this post..

i'm going to shop for shoes tomorrow.

maybe i'll get a vans or fallen sneakers or something?

=D hehehehehhehehehehhehe.

WHAT A BOWL ! =D

9/6/10

WOKE UP LATE !

12.45

didn't manage to go for D&T in the morning. neither swimming in the afternoon.

=P

went out for DANIAL's BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION.

supposed to meet the others at 6. but i was late ! as usual ! =x

so yeah i met up with the man himself

then we went to meet astley,andre,alex,amanda,huixuan,windfred & spencer at marina sq.

did all the cake stuffs.

alex left early cause he had tuition. & then we went for dinner at PIZZA HUT.

then went to play bowling!

we all had fun. not too bad for some first timers today.

finish our game & we headed home.

i just finished up my measurements for my product.

so yeaps, will be waking up early tomorrow for school. =D

~~~~~~~~~~~~

i hope you're good over there.

been 4days you're away.

i miss you. & nope, i haven't been doing nonsense.

PLANS FOR TODAY, later ;

1) school.

2)send netbook to grandma's place

3) meet my aunt at kallang leisure park.

4) have dinner & head home.

.. . . . . . .-

8/6/10

& I"M FEELING REALLY SORE.....

besides that, i'm exhausted. feel like i'm getting sick. haven't had enough rest & sleep..

school starts at 7.30 tmr. D&T..

so yeah, i swam yesterday.. went to steam bath.. jacuzzi..

went for school today. tomorrow i'm gonna start producing my finalised design for coursework..

hope it's not a hassle... =.-

& i have practically nothing else to write about for now..

plans for tmr ;

schoool. go for a swim with my peeps.

& then maybe out to celebrate danial's birthday with the others. [:

can't sleep... like usual...

My ship went down

in a sea of sound

when i woke up, i had everything.

A handful of moments

i wish i could change

And a tongue like a nightmare

that cuts like a blade..

In a city of fools,

i was careful & cool

But they tore me up like a hurricane.

A handful of moments

i wish i could change

But i was carried away..

* Therapy-All Time Low. *

here i am..

each night.. it's semi-sweet..

can't comprehend why..

on myself ; understanding myself better. things better.

goodmorning. 7th comes so soon..

don't feel like typing anything much for this post.

so i'll just end this off now.

5plus in the morning.

okay, i'm still awake.. at andre's crib.. it's pretty cool..
4 guitars plus a decently great amp. what more do we need other than just that?
nahs, actually that's for leisure. studied maths & taught dnt to my peeps.
enjoyable night. but i can't sleep? =(
not because of not used to the surroundings..
BUT ;
it's just that, everytime i lie down trying to get some sleep.. the thought of you, your breath,your touch & warmth keeps playing in my head & sometimes it gives me an atmosphere that you're right here. & it sinks me real down at times.
cause i've missed you. so very much.
i hope i'll get to see you soon. real soon.
& just takecare of yourself while you're out there.
i still wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you.
you'll know what i mean if you read this.
=(

P.s
looks like i won't be getting any sleep at all.
in a few hours time, i'll be going down to get breakfast.
early goodmorning readers. thanks. alot.


* no worries readers. i'm still as straight as before.
hahahas. seriously, no sarcasm or stuffs on you guys. i'll keep things cool around here.
takecare? hahas. yeah (Y)

[:

it's been really awhile since i updated this dying blog of mine.
so here's the updates ;


gotten back my results...
two passes... -.- wtf?! it's alrightt, i have like 3months or so to revise..
got it all planned & figured out. [:


June's coming my way so yeahh.
the outline of my june;
gonna have an all guys chalet with my peeps. which guruanteed that it will definitely be fun,hectic & the likes of it.
having extra lessons in june too. gotta finish up my model & project for d&t. :D
gonna bunk at my friends house with the rest to study & wind down. [:

me ; i'm feeling better on the whole.. i've woken up.. gonna get better grades & pave my way out into my next future. & everything else can be settled & re-looked at later. there's alot of time after that. now's not the time to be feeling down. gonna study & enjoy myself at the same time with my buds & JUNE is the perfect time for that. [:


those who've never failed to make me smile.
thanks alot. we're gonna have FUN, MUCH MORE FUN. :D

thoughts.. & just thoughts..

P.O.A = SCREWED
tried to study, a little. nothing flowed into my head.
but seriously? do i look like i'm lost in my own atmosphere? two people told me so..
& this is what happens when nothing is flowing into my head.
SCREWED.

talk to you last night about stuffs.
i mean, it's alrightt.
i understand that you can't be there.
you know. i know.
i understand... everything..
no grudges on my side..<3



was surprised to get a call today.
it's nice to know that you're gonna have a week of a little fun during June.
i just hope everything goes well in JUNE for you. [:
maybe it's good to have a little short break from everything from school & stuffs.
well.. take this opportunity to enjoy yourself cause it's gonna be hell after JUNE. :D


just don't take things too hard on yourself.
you gotta loosen up at times. it'll do you well.
i'm still here , if things gets too hard for you to shoulder.
[:

11th...

today; i had chemistry paper. to be honest, i enjoyed doing chem papers more than the others.
so took the 75mins paper. ended at 9.15. [: went home & my peeps asked me out to watch Ip Man 2.
the show's pretty good.. those who never watched the first sequel will get lost in the show.. finished watching around 1.30plus.. so gyeaa, had a quickbite & went home.
ratings ; surely worth to watch. (:


it's raining now.. tomorrow's CHEM practical exams.. 9.45 starts & only ends when the third shift arrives..
maybe i'll study geog a little today.. & the remaining tomorrow.. hope luck's on my side..

&

myself; still trying to get along with everything.. i ain't giving up yet on my life & myself because i've got too much to lose.. i'm somewhere between alright & not.. it's not that bad.. i guess.. bittersweet i'd put it.[: it's just that those thoughts & memories keep playing in my head.. sometimes everywhere i go & talk about, reminds me of her, so much.. it's still a long way to the top.. but i'll definitely make the best out of it..


~takecare readers~

nobody knows it but me..

feeling the crunch.

tired from 2.4 run the whole school day.
veh shag after all that shitass running.
almost blacked out. just almost. chest felt tight. breathing had problems.
idk why.

i can't resist of not picking up the phone to text you.
the truth is; i've been screaming out inside..

so i picked up the phone, pressed text msg.. there it goes; all the pressing & undo-ing.. eventually, i didn't sent any smses.. =| i guess.. i didn't wanna make you affected with my tiredness & make you feel annoyed/irritated & stuffs.. cause it matters alot..

so there i was ; the whole time in every lesson, staring at my phone.. staring into thin air.. mind's drifting away..
to be honest, i didn't learn anything today.. things got even worse when lesson's is extended till 3pm.. excused myself at 2.45 cause i couldn't take it anymore.. went home & i bunked in bed.. woke up only at 7plus.. tomorrow's humanities & maths paper 1.. hopefully the exhaustion won't affect too much of me.. head's still throbbing.. mind's still drifting.. chest's still feels pretty tight.. hopefully i'll be fine.. :|


i miss you.. alot..

quicky.

hey there.
alot has happened lately.. GOod Stuffs. Bad stuffs..
all that i'm set for is my ticket to my next future. & then i'll come back.

Problems will be set aside. be it with friends. home.
every else is cleared & settled. & i'll come back, definitely.

that's all for the updates.
not too much. & i'm gonna be away, maybe a veh long time.
2 weeks? 3 weeeks? maybe earlier too. depends on how it goes.

takecare people.

. . .

Nope.. i ain't a liar, love. i understand how screw things were. :l
about tagged ; there's still some log in problems to it. webpage errors & stuffs.
i'll try to get it fixed.. & done. asap.

i guess you had a pretty rough day & stuffs on next tuesday's paper.
it's alrightt, whatever it's gonna be like, i'm here.
calm down perhaps? study hard in the process too.
light up lovee,,
i don't wanna have any frictions/tension with you no more lovee.
<3
i'll see you soon.

as for me;
school; i'm gonna do something about my grades. i can't let external affairs affect me, like home & the pressure it had on me. had a private talk with teacher about my grades & potential. to think of it, it's true.
i've been side tracking & it affected my grades. i should start back in the right place. right mode. & things will be alright. i'm supposed to make everything & anything possible. so yeahs, most probably i'm gonna have a change of seat, a new desk partner & a whole lot of adjusting to the new environment/ atmosphere whatever you call it. i have alot on the line. there's no turning or looking back to tell myself about the what if's..

the nightt after the late nightt after the draggy afternoon.

lets begin for the third post for today;

sighh... i've finally felt this strangest silence.. nothing nice. it's nothing spectacular. it's nothing to feel good about.
it's the closest feeling i've ever had to losing youu.. it feels worse without youu for a day.. what more if it's for any longer baby. :l


my evenings were crashed by the rain. & i had nothing else to do but music for the whole day.
i cleaned up a little of the big mess in the room. the whole evening was draggy. i was temperamental.
i'm annoyed & irritated at home. unreasonable parents, esp mom.
picking on me everytime she's unhappy because there's no one else that she likes to vent her anger on. great. you're so blessed dhan. idk,, but if mom wants a better life, then go ahead. go get a divorce. set yourself free. set yourself from this 'cage' you say you are bounded in.. even though i don't want you to.. & it's not because of all of us that you get SHOUTED at. it's your own fault.why can't you look & see your own mistakes mom..
why are you so keen & impulsive of pushing the blame to others. what do you get?.. it just sucks..
:l i cannot comprehend no more. cause upteen times i've tried to make it all alright, it's okay for a moment. but soon enough all returns back to where it started. my efforts is all in vain. i'm just gonna let mom cool down, i've said my piece of mind to mom too . & there's gonna be nothing more. nothing less. she has a mind of her own. to think. to feel. to decide. let her do it by herself. i don't wanna lose the rest of my patience anymore. it's enoughh. it's not worth it. i believe it's just a bad time overclouding the good times that's gonna come..
this thing isn't really dragging me down. it just makes me uncertain of my parents anymore. that's all.
i'm still very alrightt & stuffs. because i have a life to live for.


r'ship ; i wish everything's alright.. i wish you ain't thinking so much about the negative..
i hope you'd see that i've sorted my mind out.. things happening at home is beyond my control..
i hope you'd understand what i mean. this time for real.
mom's just stressed out with the others & everything's on me.
i've expressed to mom how i felt about stuffs this evening. now it's up to mom to think before she acts.
i wasn't rude. really nicely, everything.
i'm really happy being & having you in my life.
i have this life to live for, babyy.
& that's final. i had no regrets if you'd like to know.
cause you seem to have alot more on your mind.
i'm here, for you to make me understand, your feelings & emotions on the whole lovee.
<3



notice*
my prepaid's down.. if there's anything you guys want help with or wanna ask me out to chill out.. leave me a message & i'll try to get back to you guys with a call or something. or just facebook me. thanks. probably just leave me a message.

the afternoon after the late nightt.

idk why the heck am i stuck at home on a saturday afternoon.
when prepaid's low, i can't do anything & it feels like i'm screwing up everything.
fuckprepaid.fuckprepaid.fuckprepaid.fuckprepaid.fuckprepaid.

so yeahh,
i woke up late. washed up. had my late breakfast & lunch. showered.
& now i'm updating my blog on this.. with equally nothing much to say..
just whining away.. i know this is like what the f**k. -.-

so tell me, what should i do today?
sit around at home, go out with my peeps, just lay in bed all day,
keep on thinking how screwed can things get whenever prepaid's low or just stare into thin air?
tell me cause i seriously don't know. ok, i guess boredom is taking over me.

i'm feeling bluuuueeeeeeeee.. idk what that really means,literally, but yeahhs i'll update you guys in the nightt.
ciaaosss ! (Y)

. . . . . . . .

flickr.com/photos/kasixcakes/2131665731/


a little something that caught my attention.
pretty huge but nice thoughh.


time check : it's about 0203hrs. still couldn't sleep. feeling pain in my ribs/lung area.
bearing with the pain for the rest of the nightt till it goes away. =l

P.s
we've got each other and that's alot love.

that's all for the early morning post.
ciaos.. people..

10th. & the every other day.

Lets Begin Updating !

School : Choked my assignments up.. still a long way to finish it all up. ok, not really that longg but it's toughh i guess. Teacher's been really understanding & nice.. lesson's are getting more intensive, from what it seems.. i get lethargic, i get distracted, i lost my dedication to the lesson's sometimes.. i'm just tiredd & landed with so much exhaustion.. & i'm not the few ones on the blacklist for minor school rule problems anymore.. which is goood, i guess.

Relationship : guess what?! it's been 7 months down the roadd.^^ well.. it's not really so much of the months. it's just the little2 things & gestures we do in those times, it's worth so much more than the number of months itself.[: & all i can say that times been pretty fastt ! so for this 7th month, we've decided to go for a picnic to CELEBRATE, which we did like 5 days ago! [: it's was really nice & enjoyable, to have the company of another someone who's dear to you. & the minor epics from the surroundings that we had a chance to laugh at made it more fun. p.s. the monkeyy beee ! you know. i know. they don't know. =9 & i guess we should do this kinda stuffs more often you knoww, pack stuffs from home & have fun outdoors. totally agree with you on having a lower budget on spendings but still do those stuffs that we both enjoy. [: heyy.. ilysvmhun<3>

Friends : hehehe. we all know what we enjoy so veh much during lessons heh ! (: they've been really greatt esp, Danial, Jerome, Zheng Hui, Astley,Andre, Zul.. we're a bunch of nonsensical clowns.. well.. literally.. hahas. so yeahh, through good & bad times, we'll still entertain almost everyone yeah. hahahas (: it's been greatt laa.

HOME : BUMMER . ANNOYING. IRRITATING. lets not talk about it. -.-

CIAOS ! (Y)

vrooooooooom !

Hello there .
been like ages since i last posted something in my blog. been busy with school stuffs & music.
Let's talk about the things that you guys should know.
Lets Make It Fast ;

SO HERE IT GOES-->



R'ship ; having you near me. holding you near me ,
i want you to stay and never go away
cause it just feels so right. :D
& ilysvm. it's been really greatt, the time we've spent love.=D

School ; it's been greatt so far this week, just the weather takes it's toll on almost everybody.
but with the usual people, life's hectic like every other day.
focusing & trying to study well.

Myself : been greatt. coughing up alot though. ):
hope everything's alrightt with my health. i've been having late nights, gotta try to sleep early. (:
taking my medication. changing my attitude towards schoolwork cause i aint wanna end up being a USELESS fella.damn rightt, i'm not gonna turn myself into one. i have alot to live for, alot on the line.. etc. & i'm gonna make it. & i aint gonna fail [:
& maybe i'd have to get a job for a month or two for my own expenses, then call it QUITS & say hello to EXAMS.
blablablabla~


so there it goes[:
& ihaveagoodgoodgirlthat'sakeeper, like seriously.
& she's the better half of me.(:

latestpost.

it's been awhile yeahh, since the last update?
i had a bad dream & ended up with a scratch on my finger & knuckles in reality.
cause ; waking up with giving a one hard punch to my drawer, unconsciously.


school's ; been great with classmates,friends & some teachers for the past one week. had fun & laughed our asses off alot in classes. EL lessons are a complete bummer & i ain't gonna whine about it. having V.A. lessons every evening from now. -.- oh the joy ! well ohh well.. all for the good of the students i guess..

home ; lets not talk about it.

myself ; my blood tends to boil faster lately. &
i've been pretty distracted by stress, seriously i realised that.
trying not to whine too much or complain too much.. sometimes i'm upset with myself.. & i'm trying hard not to let bad things affect me cause if not, definitely this will happen ;
STRESS --> { Gets Distracted--> Becomes an Annoyance--> Screws Things Up Eventhough All The Stuffs Is Not Something That's Intended = i feel sucky.. it'll affect people around me.. & it affects you.. }
& i never ever want that to happen.
i'm deprived of sleep. feeling sleepy most of the time. sometimes i almost doze off halfway during lesson. weekends is the only days i make up for the lack of sleep.. how bad is that..
but ironically, i'm learning better. committed to my d&t coursework already.well.. paying more attention in class than before. like finally, all these stuffs got thru my head. after so longg. (:

r'ship : imissyousovehmuchbaby. =<
& surprisingly, this week passed by quicker than i thought it'd be..
& i'm sorry i've been pretty annoying at times.
i just want you to know i didn't mean to be like that lately baby,
i don't. i just miss you.alot.
<3


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this picture describes how i'm feeling right now.

ehem.

first of all;
i haven't even finish my assignments.
aint gonna do all except d&t, maths, el.

i neeeeed ;
to get a new guitar cable & an extra set of strings. a tri-stand guitar stand.
i've got three guitars. two acoustics & one electric that is why.
it's really messy to have it in the corner of the room. -.-
ok fuck. i don't know why i'm suddenly in the mood to keep things neat around here.
i gotta start saving money like from now !!!

& i realised i've been so pretty much random lately.
i say #$@!@&$*@(#)@$& ALOT too!

People ;
some changes. awww.. some tries to affect me with what they do.
some friends came back.. some are in difficult times.. some don't give a shit at all..
some just wanna ENJOY & bullshit their way out through life.
but yeahhs, i don't give a shitt if you wanna bring me down. [:
cause all the bullshits, all these while, it made me strong mothafucker. (Y)
PEACE !

& evertthingg else has been..
nahs, it's for me to know & for you guys to find out for yourself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'This Confidence Is Just The Stain You Can't Wipe Off '
[:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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that'll speak for itself..